Antonio's Answers

FFF: FUCKED & FANTASTIC FOOD!

2006-05-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

Here's some more on my ongoing food posting. I'm glad though that Waldo agrees with me on everything. I thought that I was the only one who hates any and all seafood. Anyways

Best:

Chinese Buffet's are amazing. I can't believe that a rather intelligent man named Waldo actually has never looked at food as sexy. He must have never been to a Chinese buffet. Look at this I bet he's completely turned on. Don't deny it Waldo.

Lasagna. I can feel my ancestors smiling apon me. I'm definately getting in touch with my Italian side here. I feel an emotional/spiritual pat on the back right now. It feels nice. Almost as nice as eating this lasagna. What a good picture of it too. If you don't like it I hate you forever.

I LOVE Cheez-It's. The cute mouse also adds to the happy. His name is Frodo. He makes my heart go pitter-patter pitter-patter. It's funny cause the Cheez-It is so much bigger than Frodo. He's not my mouse but he's still awesome. Now it's time for some not so good foods!

Yay!

Worst:

WARNING! THIS NEXT PICTURE IS NOT FOR THE LIGHT-HEARTED. IT IS THE ONLY REAL PICTURE OF THE ACTUAL CHUPACABRA. NONE HAVE EVER BEEN CAUGHT BUT I'D IMAGINE THAT THEY DON'T TASTE GOOD WHATSOEVER. PLEASE TAKE CAUTION WHEN LOOKING I'M SORRY IF I CAUSE ANY HEART-ATTACKS FROM THIS PICTURE!

AHHHHHHHHHHH EL CHUPACABRA!

Picture from http://www.theelchupacabra.com/ you should check it out it's wicked funny. Moving on!

Even though I love Chinese buffet's, I could never eat cat like them. Or bee's I guess. Ya bee's would probably hurt. So like a teaching legend once said, "That's [the picture] a twofer!"

Tell me what you think!

Crazy Drivers

2006-05-14T19:35:00.000-07:00

I was just on my way home today when I though to myself, "Wow, people are crazy!" For some reason, the thought of waiting at the edge of a parking lot, not turning until the road has cars on it appeals to people. So me and my brother were driving around and we were on a pretty empty road, at least no one was in front of us. So we are cruzing along ok, when we see this car coming out of a parking lot turing right, the direction we were going. Open road, so you'd think they'd turn before we got there. This was thoroughly not the case what-so-ever. Once we were about a solid three feet from them, they then decide that the time had come for the to raise our blood pressure just a little bit more. So we were three feet away, and a though struck the driver (the thought that they were thinking proves that thoughts don't come across the person very often, as in they were dumb), and it probably went a little something like this, "GO NOW!" So they book it into the road, instinct kicks in and informs the driver that he/she's about to die. They then proceed to slam on the brakes, finally realizing that there are other people in this world, believe it or not. What happened next was what makes this story great. They show us the finger! They then start twitching around (I could see the movement of the person, but couldn't make out what they looked like) as if they are either so pissed off that they would actually commit a mass murder massacre in Honolulu, or were experiencing an earth-quake. That is what made the story great, but the thing that makes the story hilarius is that they waited until another person came and did THE EXACT SAME THING! Slam on the gas and shortly after the break. God they were like a friggen three year old (I hate them just as much). I bet that they are still there waiting to get out right now, even though this happened quite some time ago.

I was thinking today about how far technology has progressed, and what the greatest invention of all time was. Cars? No. Computers? No. TV's? No, but they are good. Planes? No. Food? Of course! Where would we be without it? Probably Columbia but that's ok. Seriously though, it's the greatest stuff ever! How would fat people be fat? They wouldn't be ok? How would people who are baked out of their mind fulfill their munchies? They wouldn't! As I have already mentioned, pizza turns me on, and calzones even more so. Food is just so great! This is the first time that I have posted and have actually been happy while doing it! Wow I like the feeling! But I like food even more. I am particular about my food though. It can't just be frozen baby arms doused in caramel. That doesn't do it for me. I might suck the caramel off of the arms but hey we all do weird things. With me, it's not a matter of combonation of food, it's what's in it. I can eat bagels with one half cream-cheesed the other half buttered. It all goes down the same hole. I've had meals of pancakes and steak, tomatoes and peanut butter, I just have a way of seperating the goodness of what I'm eating so it's not that bad. I get made fun of a lot for what I eat in my family. On the subject of food I'm gonna take the idea from a good friend (sorry Waldo) and present a best and worst list. Here it goes:

Best:

Burgers absolutely do it for me. And those fries look like they could fulfill even my wildest of fantasies. Typical American meal on top of it. Looking at it I just want to have some serious food-to-pen15 sex.

I'm sorry for the quality of the picture, but I couldn't really find a better one. Anyways, Fettucini Alfredo takes the cake on this one. I absolutely love it. I could live off of it until I could live off of it no longer, and that's a proven fact. FYI pizza wont be on the list because it's already been mentioned.

Speaking of a peice of cake! It's hard to believe but this is actually a wedding cake. God do I want to hire this person that made this. If there is one thing sexier than a hot chick with two constantly fresh donuts, it'd be two hot chicks with two constantly fresh donuts. But this cake would be nice too. Especially if a hot chick constantly has a fresh one handy.

Taquitos are AMAZING. Breakfast ones are so damn sexy. If anyone ever catches you "pleasuring yourself," just be like, "Well what do you expect, I just ate/saw taquitos!" You'll be instantly forgiven. THEY ARE SO SEXY. Food turns me on by a lot. Here are some foods that don't.

Worst:

Despite what my last post may have seemed like, I actually hate to disapoint my readers. But it must happen. I HATE fish. Seafood actually. All of it, I hate it. Sushi, shrimp lobster, squid, clambs, anything underwater and I hate it.

It may tingle your fiddly-diddly's to think about it, but people actually eat rats. I for one am not a big fan of rats, but this little guy is so cute. I'm so sad right now that there is actually a tear in my eye because he will soon become a test subject to some cruel and unusually brutal testing freak who will do unspeakable crimes to this little guy. The one thing that makes me madder than I would be if I was in a nursery's spring pagent with the kids playing the music as well, would be the knowledge of animal testing. It sounds crazy but rats are like us. Look at this guys feet, they're like our hands. Besides, all they want to do is eat and fuck. Sounds like man to me. I HATE animal cruelty and testing. It makes me so mad, I just want to kick the tester square in the balls until they fall off then I can stick them up his ass so next time he shits, he shits on his balls. Voluntary testers should have their arms and legs ripped off then stuffed in their mouth while they are being shot out of a catapult into a brick wall. I think later on I'm going to post an article that I wrote about animal testing in seventh grade, if I can find it that is. On to more bad food.

Mushrooms are gross. Period. All types. Ew

Be sure to check in later for more foods and ask me some questions with your comments sucka. Now for a joke and an interesting fact, I'll ask a new question once someone answers my old one or I just feel like asking another.

Something does rhyme with "orange." Door hinge.

When Chuck Norris jumps into a lake, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the lake gets Chuck Norris.

A Second Chance

2006-05-12T15:28:00.000-07:00

Polotics Blow. Trust me in this. They are not fun. I don't care for them much, but it just really pisses me off on how people can get so emotional about them. GRRR I'm getting mad again! So I'm sorry but I'm not really going to get in to them and why they suck because just the thought of it makes me want to go to a nursery to take my mind off of things.

Anyways, I was told by an expert blogger who is so far the one and only to leave a post, that my blog was pretty good! Thumbs up to me! So I feel as if I've earned myself the right to a second chance at this whole blog fosheezy, so I'm giving it a shot.

Since my last post was mainly themed about things that ever so thoroughly pissed the balls off of me, I figured I'd make this one in a slightly more light hearted spirit.

I have conducted a self-expirement and I have found out that I am indeed, a literalist. I got into a conversation with a friend the other day, and we somehow got into the subject of what it would be like to swim in a swimming pool full of ice-cream. I thought a moment about this and then directed my thought process to punching this person in the face. This is impossible folks! Need I remind you that one, if the ice-cream became liquidy enough to swin in, then it'd be warm and sticky and absolutely gross. Second, Swimming in it? Maybe standing on the side with a big spoon would be one thing, but swimming in it is a little to extreme. Third, why did mans' instinctive nature that tends to kick in and say, "Hey, I'm kinda in a substance whos temperature is below freezing, and on top of it im just wearing some shorts, nothing else. I think I'm gonna either kick my body's ass or pass it out to save some vital organs." go? Ice-cream is cold people. Lastly, where the hell would all of this ice-cream come from, cause I'm not paying for it. Or the swimming pool to put it in, that's for sure.

So I guess that that wasn't much of a light hearted post but you know what I have to say? Fuck you. Plain and simply Fuck You. I no longer like you.

And Now For Something Completely... Complete

2006-05-11T19:23:00.000-07:00

Hey this is Antonio here and I just want you all to know that posting responses to my posts would be great, because I need some good probable cause for hate crimes against you! Anyways, I would just like to mention to you all that this upcoming 17th, the best soccer team in the world, Arsenal, will be playing the second best team in the world, Barcelona, at 1:45 I do believe, so be sure to tune in to Fox Soccer Channel to watch!

So I have this friend who blogs ok(I don't want to mention to you his name because his blog sucks), and he's doing this dumb thing about movie stars best and worst hairstyles. Sounds like a pretty good idea ok, but then he's like "Princess Leia's hair is amazing and she's so hot." YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! First I'd just like to say that she's fat. She looks as if she ran into a brick wall(we'll pretend for a second that she can run fast) and fell up somehow, cause her face is so droopy. Second, she better be English because my god she has the worst teeth, and the roof of her mouth has a solid .2 centimeter width, so the shape of all her teeth are like a dagger. Third, just because some chick has two items of delicious food glued on to her head, does not at all mean that she is hot. Although the idea of some hot girl having two fresh and delicious donuts at all times is one of the most sexually appealing thoughts I know, she has one part missing. The being a hot girl part. MOO.

I'm sorry I had to get that out. So by now I'm sure all of you(except probably none of you) are wondering why my blogs name is called Antonio's Answers, when I haven't even answer the simple question of what pi is. Well I was hoping you all(say "ya'll" and I'll have to kill you) would ask me some questions so I can answer. I am a very insightful man. I think a lot. I think very hard when I'm doing this. My answers are sure to always be right! If I have no idea what you're talking about I'll either get extremely pissed off and flip out or I'll do some research to find out.
Pizza turns me on. Calzones even more so. Seriously though ask me questions especially if I don't know you because I have no friends. It can be about anything at all! What classes should I take next semester, why my dog hates me, how to get over my coughdrop addiction, ANYTHING DAMN IT, ANYTHING!

I hate kids. Not only kids but little babies too. Well to be honest for about a day or two babies aren't that bad. And kids can be funny, but I hate them nonetheless. I'll start with babies; They enjoy crying. A lot. It's not like you can do anything with them cause they're to "Fragile" and stuff like that. Oh and people get kinda offended when you use them as footballs. They drool, throw up on you, crap/piss themselves whenever, and if this isn't bad enough, you have to make them burp because they're too dumb to do it themselves! On top of this, moms and others belonging to the female specimen don't even get mad when they do burp. THIS IS ALL SUPPOSED TO BE CUTE! They don't even appreciate anything that you do for them, like look at this little twat-in-training, someone obviously went through hell just to get that birthday hat and bib on it, it just ate cake, and it's still pissed!

Next comes little kids; They're so stupid and never clean. Ever! They just run around drooling and wiping their grimy ass hands all over you until the point where you are about to puke! And let's say you did puke, they'd wonder what it is, go 'splorin, and PLAY IN IT! Then they wouldn't wash themselves until they turn at least 13, at the point where the personal hygiene needs that have been beating them over the head profusely and were previously unnoticed, start to take their toll, but not by much. The one good things about baby's at least is that they don't have much say in things involving cleanliness, so at least you clean them every 3 months, which is better then little kids. Oh, how I hate how kids a spoiled! When I was a youngster, I used to ask for toys which were are dollar at most, and I'd get flogged for it. Nowadays they just whine and whine and whine and whine until you are forced to punt them off of a bridge like Jack Black on a Baxter. These spoiled ones: all they do is eat crap because they have rich ass parents who can never say no and can't cook, so they take them out to fast food everyday. So how can they honestly wonder why their 8 year old is exponentially above the average weight? No wonder America is the fattest country. On a high note, they are good for a laugh like that fat ass above who is too involved in his ego to notice the doves slightly larger and ruder cousin takes the biggest bird dump I have ever seen right on his head. Now I'm all pissed from talking about kids and babies. PS they are NOT cute whatsoever

If you have read all the way through, then I thank you dearly and I bring you good news, this post is just about over! Tell me how this is but keep in mind its my first blog post. So to finish off the post, I just want to ask a simple trivia question myself: What player sponsors the Total 90 III's?

And a Joke: Why do women have their period? Because they deserve it.

And Something to think about: The following statement is true,
The previous statement was false.

OK I'm done so have a good day
-Antonio Worthington